Breath of Heaven: Pondering the Presence of God and Advent

“Do you wonder, as you watch my face? If a wiser one, could have had my place?”

Mary - An image of God birthing the very face and presence of God for all. Is it likely she pondered if a better equipped version of herself or someone else entirely would be more fitting for the immaculate calling upon her life? I would think so. That musical verse from “Breath of Heaven” by Amy Grant goes on to say: “But I offer all I am, for the mercy of your plan. Help me be strong. Help me be. Help me.” I can very well imagine she cried out for help every step of her journey, full-well knowing the reality of her humanity each time she felt perfection move in her womb. How could she not?

How often have I personally pondered and repeatedly wondered the same - if I were wiser, if I were better, more patient, more worthy of love, more this, more that, or less angry, less opinionated, less selfish, less x, y, and z that somehow there might be a better outcome than this version of me that I can be. I don’t mean this to be self-depreciating. I know where my identity lies, and I can absolutely feel + see the good of unique imperfection in the light of grace, but I am also aware of my flaws and like anyone else can become overly fixated on the the “if’s” and “could’s.” This might seem stark, but essentially, this is idolatry. It’s not even about me, and yet the Lord is kind, patient, and faithful to keep his promises though I forget as I drown in the waters of my own sin and insecurity.

It’s astounding to me, not just due to her obedient “yes,” or her brave surrender at such a tender age that makes this mama’s heart burst as I look into the eyes of my daughters or think on who I was at 14, but for God's loving radiant storytelling and design to somehow include someone like me - a human of great desire but often little, mostly broken, understanding - someone of more need than capability in the light of eternity. Thus, the great need for the fulfillment of a promise… the Christ child.

He faced the expectations of this world versus the reality of his life’s purpose and very existence, as he came unto us a king, in humility and sacrifice like the world had never seen. In his first breath we were given everything our soul would ever need. It was the first time we would have hope for, and the sustainable expectation of receiving, not just room in the inn with no more suffering, but the offering of what it means to be adopted into an eternal hope and family with enough provision of the bread (of life and communion) to eat, clothing (righteous covering) to wear, shelter (from death itself), and an eternal oxygen (God’s very presence) to breathe.

“Breath of heaven,
Hold me together.
Be forever near me,
Breath of heaven.
Breath of heaven…
Light in my darkness,
Pour over me your holiness
For you are holy.”

He could have showed up as a King in all his splendor, but he chose the waters of the womb! It wouldn’t be the first time. As the Breath of Heaven and the author of the birth of beginnings, in reflection of his creation hovered over living water (Gen. 1:2), though the fall was soon to come. (Gen. 3) That which was once a symbol of life would become a flood, and yet his spirit would hover over the waters of death as an ark of deliverance, with everything needed for the rebirth of the world, upon a global baptism that was not yet fully understood. (Gen. 7)

However, another arc or arch in the sky would give insight to His forever plan. (Gen. 9:12-13) As much as it covers us in a promise, that same brilliant colorful arc would clothe a boy (Gen. 37:3) who suffered enslavement (37:28), but rose up as an unexpected ruler and savior of his people (Gen. 46)… The same people that would find refuge in a foreign land and succumb to the slavery not only of an oppressive ruler but their own hearts. (Ex. 1) Yet again the presence of the Lord would bring them through the waters with a mass Exodus, and reveal his power so that ALL may know - He is Lord! (Ex. 14) Even still these wilderness wanderers, with his presence to guide them by day and by night (Ex. 13:21-22), would doubt and stray until living water once again poured forth from a foreshadowing rock of salvation. (Ex. 17:5-6)

When their wandering finally ends, the Ark of his presence and covenant, would pass through the consuming waters of the Jordan so that his people may enter into the promised land. (Josh. 3) It is done. Thus, the prophets proclaim all that was and will be… and then a 400 year silence of all silent nights takes place, a very looong inhale, if you will, until the exhale of a baby born of a virgin womb answers every plea, “Help me be. Help me!” without boundaries nor barriers, curtains, arks, or veils for the hope of a promised land far beyond the horizon of you and me, but eternity.